Such a great time was had!

My week in the northwest was amazing! So relaxing and fun to hang out with my friends (and the time with family wasn't bad either...hee hee). As always, I took this time away from the routine to really take stock at where I am in life. I had such a sense of freedom and destress that I realized how much I have to start protecting myself and my time. I need more balance in life and I need to start fighting for that. I am a person that has always been able to make things happen. I wanted to be a teacher...I did it. I wanted to work in music...I did it. I've stopped making things happen for myself. I want a social life, but I've felt paralyzed to make that happen. No longer! I want to get out there and take some hours in my week to get to know people and be out doing things that I love to do. I need to be my number one priority...not my career. I've struggled most of my adult life with being identified by my career and that has become a crippling identity. I know I have to be so much more than what I *do*.

I'm gettin' outta town!

In less than 2 weeks now, I will be going to Seattle and Portland! I am soooo thrilled to get a week to see friends, a little bit of family and just see the beauty that is my old home...the Northwest. I have so much to do to plan and prepare. So much work that needs to be done so I can just go and be. I have one dilemma about this trip. My desire is to be selfish on this trip and make this my vacation...to see the people I want to see and do the things I want to do. Already, the tug of war begins. I have 1 family obligation...my brother is graduating college, but I don't want that event to drag into a multi-day affair. I want to come down for graduation, spend the evening with the family and jet back to Seattle as soon as I can the next day.
Have any of you guys done that...gone "home", but wanted to experience home in your new adult eyes? Treated home like any other vacation spot? How does that work? How do you set boundaries without causing a riot?

GMA Week

This week was the annual big week of the year in my industry. For 5 days, downtown Nashville is swallowed up by musicians and professionals in the christian music industry. This year was a bit different for me as my company decided to have a booth in the exhibit hall. It was my *lovely* job to be in the exhibit hall ALL day for 4 days. It made for VERY long days and today I have been wiped out. I did get a chance to meet some great people and got out of my shell a bit to make some good industry connections.
I really enjoy watching human behavior at events like this. Seeing the people that try to make themselves seem like a big deal to everyone around them, and bands that just want to be noticed by anyone. On the other hand, I had people talk to me that I thought would be too "important" to give me a time of day, and some really cool bands that hung out with me.
One funny story from the week....my boss has a pretty twisted sense of humor and last week we had joked around that he needed to bring his Jesus doll with him this week. He decided to do that and we placed Jesus on our table to see who would notice. it is a cool doll that has the hair of a troll doll. Anyway...we had him out one day and maybe 2 people noticed. Then, the next day we got into the booth and Jesus was gone! We looked everywhere for him and he was GONE. Someone stole Jesus!!! It was quite a surprise and it really took some guts for someone at a Christian music convention to steal Jesus!

All That I Had Hoped For

Today was a different kind of perfect. It was a holiday spent alone, but it was wonderful. I feel rested! I got caught up on things that I needed to do. I made myself a YUMMY Easter dinner. I watched movies and laid on the couch and I READ. Fabulous! And to top it off...I have surprises from Ikea arriving any minute now. I wasn't looking forward to today, but it was exactly what I needed. A true day of rest to be geared up for a busy month ahead. A time to really reflect on what Easter means to me and how important this day is in my life.

Time to relax

Today has been fabulous. I did have to wake up TOO early and work for a few hours...but I got the rest of the day to myself to just chill. I also decided that the best way for me to spend my Easter is to REST. I am going to sleep in, maybe read some and just reeeelax. Life gets so busy and the days and weeks pass so flippin quickly so I am really thankful to have this time to regroup.
Next month, it looks like I'll be spending a week in Seattle/Portland. I can't wait to get home and see my friends and family. I am taking most of my trip to do my own thing and do all the things I never have time to do when I go home.
On a family update, my Grandpa was put in a nursing home and he is officially upset about it. It sounds like having the wrong drugs in his system was causing the hallucinations and overall he is now doing much better. There are still a lot of unanswered questions that I have and many things about the situation that seriously don't add up. But I know that all I can do is keep asking questions and that just worrying wont get me anywhere.
I do hope all of you have a fabulous Easter weekend!

A Shock

After a few months of silence, I got an email last night from my step-grandmother via my grandpa's account saying that he was in the hospital and having hallucinations and that he wasn't going to be coming home. It said that he was also denied access to a nursing home because they didn't have a mental ward. WEIRD! My grandpa has never been insane...like most of us, he's had depression from time to time, but this was news that came out of left field. So, I anxiously get on the phone with everyone that I can in my family and try to find out what is going on. It seems that my step-grandma has given up and no longer feels that she can care for him. I honestly don't know if my grandpa can survive being in a home. He has always hated them and I worry about his spirits when he is put in there. I found out today that its official...he will be transferred into a home on Friday. I feel so sad and so helpless being so far away. i know calls and that kind of stuff are important, but I wish he wasn't such a long and expensive plane ride away. I am sure that I will see him again...but it looks like the person I will see next wont be the same that I saw 2 years ago. The memories that I have I am holding onto so strongly...the hugs, the words he spoke...those things I cherish.

March Madness

No...not the basketball tourny...but my schedule. I have not stopped these past few weeks. Lots of changes. I'm getting settled into my 2nd job...its not so bad most of the time, but it does have its annoying moments. Although the cash it brings at the beginning of the week is happiness. I also volunteered for a big girl scout event last weekend. I got to do greeting and led games of twister. It was a blast hanging out with all the kids!
Big change this month...I have moved. The roommate thing was not a good idea for me, so I decided to rent an older townhouse that was much cheaper. This place is really cute and its nice to have my own place again. I love having my office back and my next project will be decorating the office. I'm thinking bright colors and lots of fun!
All of this whirlwind of activity and change has made me a tired tired girl. I have really neglected connecting with people and I know that is something that I need to have in my life daily. I know in this life, we are not meant to go it alone and I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about that truth. I tend to spend much of my day to day life without having personal interaction with others. I want to be deeper with the people in my life. Although I have so many important people far from me physically...I need to make a better effort to be closer to them and open myself up more. I do not need to walk through life with a sense of lonliness...I need to continue to put myself out there with the people that come across my path...whether they are down the street or across the country. People are the most important thing to have in our lives.

Things are so nuts right now

Hi all!!! What is up with life just getting away from not only me but so many of you as well. Has someone hit a speed button on the universe? February just FLEW by...ZIP ZIP ZIP. I had such a great time in North Carolina. It was great hanging out with students and seeing my band boys in action. The promoter for the event put us up in our own house and I got the whole downstairs to myself. It was so peaceful and the "mountains" were beautiful. We wanted to go see Biltmore, but the price tag to just go see a flippin house....$25 a person. NUTS. Anyway, the weekend was refreshing and I want to go back!
This week I started another job. I'm doing really good at it so far. Its nice to have a little self-confidence booster...even though the job is SO easy, its still a great feeling to have caught on so quickly and to be surpassing expectations.
Yay for March being here in just a few hours. Thoughts of springtime and renewal are so refreshing. I am looking forward to seeing buds on trees and flowers blooming and all the things that make me warm and fuzzy when its 70 degrees outside.

JUST another day...

Well, I figured I would do the trite post to this day. This year I actualy forgot for a majority of the day that celebrations happen all over the place today. In years past, I've spent the day being somewhat melancholy about my "table of one" status. I don't know if it was the whirlwind of activity or what but I didn't even think about it today. Today was JUST another day like the rest. It looks like I will be starting a 2nd job very soon. It will be another at home job...which will be great. I still have some details to work out with it, but this could be a good opprotunity to get a few extra dollars in the ol' pocket.
On another happy note, I get to get out of town this weekend! I get to be roadie/merch girl/pr girl/etc. for one of my bands all weekend. It will be my first trip actually traveling with a band and I am looking forward to it. So...if I don't write for a few days...that is where I am!
Happy Day to all my bloggy and real life friends. You guys rock!

Embracing who you are...

I've been thinking a lot lately about the life we've been given and the circumstances that come into life whether good or bad. Our lives are shaped by our reaction to the circumstnces that cross our path. I know I have failed many times in my bad reaction to circumstances. I know I've wasted much time pondering the "why me" question instead of putting up a fight and getting above my circumstances. Trials in life are meant to be learning experiences. I am finally ready to learn. I have made some big decisions the last few weeks to create a new beginning for myself. I have come to the conclusion that I really need to be willing to sacrifice for the greater good. I need to stop feelin like I am owed something, but instead to keep the long term vision in mind and realize that if I want my dreams to come sooner than later...there might be sacrifice required of me. I don't want ego to destoy my life. I don't want to think that I am above having hard times fall. I want to look for opptotunities around me to embrace this life that I've been given and to live it to the fullest. I want to look for opprotunities to be thankful for the many things I do have and the people in my life that have made my life fuller and richer.

Its about time...

We FINALLY got a snow day today! I woke up around 4 this morning and peeked outside and saw white! I felt like a little kid all giddy. I went back to sleep with the hope that the snow would still be there. There is definately something freeing and nostalgic about snow. Growing up in SW Wasthington, we also only got a couple days of snow a year and even just a little snow was enough for us to get the day off of school. One block away from me was a skateboard park...a little cement hill that became a place for us to sled with the right amount of snow. It was such a fun place during snow days..life was carefree. Now as an adult who isn't fond of cold weather...there is something still about bundleing up for snow that makes the cold worthwhile. (for the day :) )
On a side note...I was woken up a couple hours later...definately still too early to get up by a bunch of kids screaming as they were sledding in the hold behind my condo. Yes...the old person in me came out as I wanted to shout at those kids to keep quiet. hee hee

Friends and Starbucks

Sometimes this town is just too sureal. Today was one of those days. I was sitting in Starbucks having a meeting for work and the afternoon was filled with spottings. The best spotting by far was seeing the one and only Michael W. Smith. Such an iconic character in my teenage years. One of the very first cassettes that I owned was his...growing up he was always a musician that I wanted to meet but never had the opprotunity and today he was 10 feet away from me getting a cup of coffee. The strangest thing about Nashville is that musicians (especially Christian musicians) can just walk around and go about their lives without being bombarded by people (okay...so my gawking was a little over the top...but I'm talking in general here people). This guy who is really the most successful musician in the Christian music industry was able to walk into a crowded Starbuck, order coffee, talk to a couple kids, get his coffee and walk out just like all of us.
In conclusion...I am a nerd who is still a BIG fan at heart. Its refreshing to see that my jaded booking agent self isn't always winning the battle for my soul. :)

Randomness

Oh gosh. This week has been full of randomness. People have been really acting out of character. I have had many moments in the past couple days where I sit back, tilt my head, and say "reeeaalllyyyyy". Its quite the funny sight! Through it all I am resolved to hold my head high and not lose my character. I don't have the need to lower who I am in order to get my way. People that feel the need to bully or degrade in order to try and get what they want have no place in my life.
This last week my new church began a merge with another church. Funny thing is that the other church is a church I went to a couple years ago, but left for many reasons. Life is funny. I look forward to seeing the changes this will bring. Up until a couple years ago i was always very involved in church and different groups. It was my social life and the place where I felt connected both spiritually and emotionally. I have missed that part of myself greatly. I look forward to rediscovering her and seeing how she grows as time goes on. It makes me smile to see parts of that former person emerge. She is a little more grown up, a little more jaded and recently a lot more hopeful.

2007 is almost here...YAY!!!

I am so excited for this year to get here. 2006 was really rocky. There were lots of good moments this year, but overall I have been really feeling discontent with where I am at in life. I have decided to take this discontentment and refocus my energies on the things I can change in my life. I want 2007 to be a year of pursual. I want to pursue success in my job. i want to pursue gaining relationships in my life. I want to pursue a better life for myself. I want to pursue God and what He has for me. I am not completely sure where to start in my pursuit of these things, but I am confident in what I want. I know that I want to take life by the horns and live it to the fullest! Bye bye 2006...its been swell.

Time for Reflection

I borrowed this incredible book from a friend of mine called "The Traveler's Gift". It has to be one of the best books I have read in such a long time. The premise of the book is the main character is beyond the end of his rope and is taken through some pivotal points in history, and learns some great life lessons from key people in the past. These lessons have been hitting home with me. One theme that has hit me over the head like a ton of bricks is being a person of decision and following the dream in your heart even when it doesn't make sense to those around you. I've allowed doubt in my dreams to creep in my heart. I've allowed myself to listen to the people in my life that want me to do something stable and safe in my life. I've allowed stress and worry to cloud my judgement and its caused me to lose the dream in my heart and the motivation behind it.
I desire to become unstoppable once again. I desire to once again truly care about what I do and why I do it. I don't want my vision to continue to be clouded by the day to day worries in life.
I really plan on taking this week to regroup and focus on the things that matter most.

Time to get organized

Its the time of the year when I have a few days to get organized. Life gets so crazy that papers pile up and suddenly my desk is throwing up and it drives me batty. I have enough to do to keep my busy and not thinking about my family on the other side of the country this Christmas. The busy work will be a great distraction. But the funny thing is that once this week is over...I will once again feel completely at peace being so many miles away from them. Oh the wretched month of December.
The past week I've been thinkng about how much this year has flown by, but this month seems to be dragging on. I have been under an unbelievable amount of stress. Life has been a huge struggle for survival and challenges have been around every bend. I know that challenges are suppose to give you strength and reveal your true character. I also grew up believing that God would never give you a great burden than you can handle, but right now I have to admit that I think He's just being a big meanie. I want so much to believe that there is a purpose the for trials that life brings and I want to believe that trials are meant to bring you closer to God, but I'm not experiencing that. Bitterness has been planted in my soul and I have to admit to you that it is growing roots. Those roots need to be plucked before I can't see the way back. What I need is a break. A light at the end of the tunnel...a steady upswing...something that lets me know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God will provide for my needs.
So, I just had to get that out. I really am looking forward to this time of relaxing and getting refocused.

and the hits keep coming....

Ok...not really. :) Its the end of another week in life. Pretty mellow week except for being frustrated with people that just don't know what the word gratitude means. I could go on about that, but I know you guys know what it means to be grateful for the people in your life that help get you where you are. So...no need to spout off on that soapbox. What I do completely love is those people that are grateful! Those individuals that see your hard work for them and continue to let you know about that. Those people motivate me to no end! I also love it when people look at seemingly impossible situations and have a "can do" attitude! I really do look up to those people and want to work alongside them to help them reach their goals.
I had a burst of the Christmas spirit today. Put up some lights and decorations around the house. I still need to find my other decorations. It seems like every year its harder and harder to get in the spirit of things...but once I force myself to do it, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. :)

New Look

So what is a girl to do when she is housesitting/dogsitting? She searches for a new blog template! The look is much more me. Oh guys I am so bored! Anyone wanna come over and party like its 2006? :)

Thoughts and such

Well, the traveling days are over. I absolutely LOVED the last month of my life. Seeing different parts of the country...not being home was great. I've been home for the past 7 days straight and I'm feeling stir crazy. I have really enjoyed not knowing exactly what the day would hold. I liked surprises around every corner and sleeping in a different bed most nights. I've known for awhile that I was not cut out for the corporate world...maybe I'm not meant to be "settled" either. Somethng to think about.
Also, I really don't like this time of the year. Once again...I'm not seeing my family during the holidays and it bites. Normally I don't NEED to be around my family. I have a pretty independent life and I like it that way. I don't run and ask my family for advicce on life decisions or feel the need to constantly talk to them on the phone. Granted some of my family members are cool and I like them...others...not so much. But regardless, they are mine and I miss them like crazy when it comes time for the traditional days of family gatherings. I feel a huge sense of being all alone in the world during these times and it easily becomes a dark pit of depression. My time here in Nashville has been the lonliest I've ever experienced, even after all this time I'm still not used to having several people arond to call my own. I know that there are people out there that care...I just long for people that are mine. here. with me.
On a happier note...the weather here has been IDEAL the past few days. high 60's, low 70's and SUNNY. The little break from the winter cold has been nice.

Adventures in California

Well, I am back home in TN. I returned to rainy, cold, miserable fall weather. ICK. My week in CA was awesome. The sun, the warmth, the break from home stress and getting some work done were all a part of my week. I arrived on Halloween and went to Hollywood for the day. It was nuts. People EVERYWHERE. Literally. Cars could not get onto the streets. I have determined that Halloween is pretty much a day to dress with as little clothing as possible for many people. I could not believe some of the "costumes" people tried to get away with. YUCK. I saw the parts of the Hollywood Walk of Fame, saw the sign, was in the Kodak Theater and was given tickets to see Jimmy Kimmel Live. Of course the night *I* get to see the show in person it is one of the worst lineups in history...Kathy Griffith and Meatloaf. The one great thing I can say about Meatloaf (aside from the wonderful high school memories) is that he seemed to really appreciate his audience and fans. He just kept playing and playing, long after the show was over. It was cool to see that.
The next day was a day at Disneyland. I got to have my belated birthday lunch at Ariel's Grotto and all the Disney Princesses come through while you are eating. It was fun. I think I was about the only adult there that cared about the Princesses but I didn't care...it was fun. It was great to have a carefree day and be a kid again.
The conference I was working at started on Thursday but before it started I headed down to the beach for a few hours. I haven't seen the Pacfic Ocean in soooo long. It was breathtaking. I decided to take a few minutes and walk down to the ocean...although not in beach attire, I threw caution to the wind and walked down so I could feel the wonderful salt water in my hands. I have always felt a huge connection to the ocean. Its such magical place to me. The ocean is so large...it goes on and on and the power of it is amazing. I definately see the power of God in the ocean. As I journeyed out I just cried and cried at the beauty before me. I cried thinking of times long ago when the ocean was so accessible to me and how much I miss seeing it whenever I would like. It was a bittersweet moment.
The conference started and one of my oldest friends flew in from Las Vegas for the weekend. So I worked during the day and played at night. It was a whirlwind of a time. So much fun, some stress and I got sick...I would say overall it was the best of trips.