Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Heart Transplant

This is what I've feel that I've gotten...
For so long I've struggled with "the funk". I've gone through life dreary, trying to do things on my own. Trying to hold onto a relationship with God that I really haven't been sure I've wanted, but I've wanted to want it. I've struggled with making decisions and then actually taking the action to follow through with them.
Last month I had an amazing week in Seattle with my BFF and through that week, I saw a life that I could have...a life that I want, but have been missing out on. After returning home and decompressing from my time away, I realized once again that I have squandered away too much time. Something finally clicked and I am putting my realizations into action and actually making the changes necessary to get my life back.
On the Spiritual side of life, I've committing to not starting my work day until I've spent time in prayer and the bible. It has really amazed me how coming back to this habit is truly lifting my heart and I'm not feeling as dark as I have been. People have always said that when God seems far away, its because you moved...that He is always there waiting to hang out with us. I've seen that truth in my life so much the past couple weeks. I'm so grateful for that and humbled.
Another change that I'm making in my life is to eat right and work out again. I have a massive amount of me that needs to disappear and I am believing that if I can stick with ridding myself of sugar and white bread/flour and eating more dark veggies, and protein that I will be where I need to be before I turn 35 next year. I'm starting with a pretty drastic change in how I eat and after I reach my first goal, I will start re-introducing more of the foods that I like...but healthier (like whole wheat flour/pasta). I'm also working out about every other day...its a great way to end the day and decompress. I will keep track of my progress on here..but so far I'm feeling so much better and feel like I have real energy.
Change is happening and I like it!

Monday, July 19, 2010


I've always thought of myself as a fairly trusting person. I want to believe the best in people and trust that they would do the right thing in different situations. I've been burned way too many times throughout life and my trust in people has dwindled. I have a hard time seeing pure motives in others and now I tend to see the worst in people before the best.
Today, I came across this verse in Isaiah..."a trusting life will not topple". These words hit me like a ton of bricks! Trust needs to be part of the foundation of my life. As I've been mulling over these words, I've come to realize that my trust does not need to lie in other people. They are human...they will fail me. I put way too much stock in others...wanting them to meet my needs and fulfill me. The past several years of life, I've come to put way more pressure of other people in my life and I've stopped trusting God to take care of me. My life has become completely unstable and out of control. Professionally, so many people have come and gone after getting what they wanted out of my company. I've felt used and abused. It has sucked the life out of me. This has been the reason I've wanted to throw in the towel and get out of this business. This morning I realized that although people have repeatedly hurt me, my foundation needs to be rooted in Christ. if I can place my trust in Him, He will become my stability. I can stop putting so much stock in the people around me and start being the person I need to be.
How easy is it for you to trust?

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