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Everything...

Life has been..messy lately. Circumstances have entered my life that are completely out of my control. I am experiencing an extremely deep loss and going through multiple versions of the grief process. My extended family is experiencing a situation that I would not wish on anyone. Its heart-wrenching. I can't go into a ton of detail because I'm not sure how far this news has gotten, but I'm feeling so many different things and its part of my experience. So here I go.
I am really struggling with what love really means and how you live that out. How do you love someone and reconcile that love with anger over their wrong actions. How do you accept someone in spite of a devastating hurt? My faith tells me that God loves me unconditionally and that I need to love others in that same way. But my humanity tells me that I'm angry, sad, ripped apart because of the actions of someone else. There are just no right answers in all this. There is no good outcome. There are consequences. Life has been completely turned upside down, inside out and ripped into little sheds all over this. So, I sit here wondering how to love in the face of all of this and how that love really looks. And maybe not how to still love them, but how to like them.

Glimpse of Hope

Ever so slowly, things are beginning to look up. Since it is not my nature to be patient...this process has been killing my spirit. I haven't blogged in so long because I have just had dark thoughts that I thought would frighten you lovely blog readers. It hurts my heart to be so dark..anyone that knows me knows that I am normally a happy person, but I haven't known that person in so long. I am trying everything I can to bring that person back in some shape and form. I am finally seeing glimpses of joy again.
Last week was GMA week here in Nashville and for the first time in a couple years I was not stuck behind a booth or given a spot to stand and promote a show. I was free to attend meetings, see concerts and just be a fan. I was in some pretty exciting meetings and met with artists that have big visions. These artists (barring they choose to work with us) will stretch me in new areas. I will be expanding what I do beyond the typical youth group events that we've been focusing on. I've been hoping for fresh ideas to come and I'm seeing them. I desire to be challenged, but also NEED to see the rewards for that. I need to be seeing fruits of my labor. Now the prayer is that these new artists will come to fruition and that I will be selling these new events like wildfire.
In other news, I started teaching preschool for a church last month. I wasn't quite sure that I would be good at this...its been MANY years since I've taught Sunday School and never for kids this young. Its been a fun adventure. The kids are probably teaching me more than I'm teaching them.
Sorry for all the random thoughts. It is late and my brain is fried, but I needed to get this stuff out of my head and shared with all of you.

Eight Things

Kendra tagged me and i just have to take part.

8 things I am looking forward to:

1. Going to Atlanta this weekend
2. Signing some new artists to work with
3. My aunt and uncles upcoming adoption
4. Meeting my new cousin!
5. Meeting my new "niece" (sonja's little girl making her debut this summer)
6. Getting financially stable
7. All the traveling this fall I hope
8. Having the house to myself for a week next month

8 things I did yesterday:

1. Woke up too early when I wanted to sleep in
2. Facebook
3. Watched 24
4. Ate meals
5. Read blogs
6. Drank coffee
7. Did laundry
8. Organized and cleaned my room


8 things I wish I could do:

1. Draw
2. Make more money
3. Be more outgoing
4. Get skinny again
5. Not be so angry
6. Have more trust in God
7. Get my own house
8. Travel more


8 Shows I watch

1. 24
2. American Idol
3. The Office
4. The Hills
5. Desperate Housewives
6. Brothers and Sisters
7. Private Practice
8. Lie to Me

Song List

"Your iPod says alot about you..."
1. Put your iPod (or media player) on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN, NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy this quiz as well as the person you got the note from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK?" YOU SAY?
We
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Few Days Down
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Steadfast Love
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Call me when you are sober
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Carry On
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Amazing Grace
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Found
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Stay Up
WHAT IS 2+2?
How Great
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Wonderful maker
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Eternal
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Sea of Forgetfulness
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Gomer's Theme
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Could Be the One (NICE!)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Headwires
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Misfit Me....(no thanks)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
One Thing
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Be Praised
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Half Right
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Gold Digger...(HAHA)
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Makes me Wonder
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Boulevard of Broken Dreams
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
You are the Judas of the Cheerleader Squad
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Hide Myself in You
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Lonely People
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Solace
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Everything's Just Wonderful
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Show Me Everything You've Got
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Victory
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Leave the Pieces
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Heartland