Glimpse of Hope
Ever so slowly, things are beginning to look up. Since it is not my nature to be patient...this process has been killing my spirit. I haven't blogged in so long because I have just had dark thoughts that I thought would frighten you lovely blog readers. It hurts my heart to be so dark..anyone that knows me knows that I am normally a happy person, but I haven't known that person in so long. I am trying everything I can to bring that person back in some shape and form. I am finally seeing glimpses of joy again.
Last week was GMA week here in Nashville and for the first time in a couple years I was not stuck behind a booth or given a spot to stand and promote a show. I was free to attend meetings, see concerts and just be a fan. I was in some pretty exciting meetings and met with artists that have big visions. These artists (barring they choose to work with us) will stretch me in new areas. I will be expanding what I do beyond the typical youth group events that we've been focusing on. I've been hoping for fresh ideas to come and I'm seeing them. I desire to be challenged, but also NEED to see the rewards for that. I need to be seeing fruits of my labor. Now the prayer is that these new artists will come to fruition and that I will be selling these new events like wildfire.
In other news, I started teaching preschool for a church last month. I wasn't quite sure that I would be good at this...its been MANY years since I've taught Sunday School and never for kids this young. Its been a fun adventure. The kids are probably teaching me more than I'm teaching them.
Sorry for all the random thoughts. It is late and my brain is fried, but I needed to get this stuff out of my head and shared with all of you.
Eight Things
Kendra tagged me and i just have to take part.
8 things I am looking forward to:
1. Going to Atlanta this weekend
2. Signing some new artists to work with
3. My aunt and uncles upcoming adoption
4. Meeting my new cousin!
5. Meeting my new "niece" (sonja's little girl making her debut this summer)
6. Getting financially stable
7. All the traveling this fall I hope
8. Having the house to myself for a week next month
8 things I did yesterday:
1. Woke up too early when I wanted to sleep in
2. Facebook
3. Watched 24
4. Ate meals
5. Read blogs
6. Drank coffee
7. Did laundry
8. Organized and cleaned my room
8 things I wish I could do:
1. Draw
2. Make more money
3. Be more outgoing
4. Get skinny again
5. Not be so angry
6. Have more trust in God
7. Get my own house
8. Travel more
8 Shows I watch
1. 24
2. American Idol
3. The Office
4. The Hills
5. Desperate Housewives
6. Brothers and Sisters
7. Private Practice
8. Lie to Me
Song List
"Your iPod says alot about you..."
1. Put your iPod (or media player) on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN, NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy this quiz as well as the person you got the note from.
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK?" YOU SAY?
We
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Few Days Down
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Steadfast Love
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Call me when you are sober
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Carry On
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Amazing Grace
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Found
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Stay Up
WHAT IS 2+2?
How Great
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Wonderful maker
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Eternal
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Sea of Forgetfulness
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Gomer's Theme
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Could Be the One (NICE!)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Headwires
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Misfit Me....(no thanks)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
One Thing
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Be Praised
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Half Right
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Gold Digger...(HAHA)
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Makes me Wonder
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Boulevard of Broken Dreams
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
You are the Judas of the Cheerleader Squad
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Hide Myself in You
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Lonely People
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Solace
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Everything's Just Wonderful
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Show Me Everything You've Got
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Victory
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Leave the Pieces
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Heartland
Holidays with the Relatives
So, it has been YEARS since I"ve been with my family on any holiday. I think its been at least 5 years...maybe longer. It was a refreshing to be back around the old traditions and to "morph" back into my role in the family. When it came to preparing for dinner, I jumped in and did as much as I could. When it came to dinner time and sitting around the table, I listened to the stories being told around me. It was fun to watch a new generation of kid's table residents coming up through the trenches. Being around family is always filled with so many emotions...happiness, fun, sadness about those who are missing, and the pressure of being so far away. One thing that I walked away from during the week was that I am where I am suppose to be for now. That I probably need to see my family more often, but that is not my home. I needed that reassurance and have been begging God for direction and feel that I got it.
Traveling time
I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. In just 11 days, I will get to spend 10 days in the PNW with my fam. I'm so looking forward to the change of scenery (even the dark, rainy scenery). I'll get to see lots of my family members and meet my newest niece for the first time. I've really been struggling in the day to day of life lately so having a change is really filling me with excitement. I ALSO just started making plans to return to Disney World at the end of January. I got a great deal that makes doing this trip really hard to pass up. 7 nights and 8 days away from the real world will be so refreshing! I'm so glad I have these things to look forward to!
New opportunity!
I just signed up for a fun, new program that will cultivate the creative side of me that has been buried for so long. One of the major book publishers is recruiting for volunteers to review their new books. I'm so excited to be able to get my hands on some free books, take time to READ and to spend some time writing! So, from time to time, you will be seeing some reviews on this site. Let the fun begin!
update
Yes...you can just call me negligent. Life has been happening so fast and so slow all at once. Finally conference stuff is done and I am beginning to feel normal again. I'm trying to get back into the swing of booking which always prove to be tougher than I want it to be. I just need to refocus my mindset.
Also, adding to the frenzy of life, I am having to figure out a new living situation. Lately the plan keeps changing once a week and here I am again wondering what to do. I just want some stability,
I did get past a cancer scare last week. You never want the doctor to tell you that they think you have a mass. I got it checked out and the wait was so long for the results. All clear, so that is a huge relief and I don't want to go through that again.
Sorry that this post is so all over the place. My brain is officially mush. I hope to have more clarity next time.
Connecting
Throughout my life there have been many different people that have come and gone, but that have left a mark on my life and helped create this mosaic that my life is today. The various experiences that sum up me today. I had a chance to re-connect with 2 of the more significant of those people this week. Out of the blue, I found out that my old youth pastor and his wife were in town and had been trying to find me. We ended up having dinner last night and for a few brief hours memory lane and the present collided. I have been extremely down the past several months and went into this dinner with somewhat high expectations but trying to remind myself that people change and the strong connection we all once had might not be there. I was wrong. Without me having to say a whole lot, they were speaking into my life and encouraging/challenging me. In this world, where I feel so alone and isolated, it is reassuring that there are still people that can break through and reach this sometimes unreachable person.
