Perspective

It seems like this year especially there has been a huge debate within the Christian community about the "controversial" holiday of Halloween. Maybe its because its on a Sunday this year that has people all up in arms.
Personally, I don't see what the big deal is. I think if you choose to focus on how some people use the day to celebrate "evil" then you will think the day itself is "evil". If you look at how fun the day can be...the candy, the costumes, enjoying your neighbors, seeing smile on kids' faces you will see that Halloween is simply a fun day for people. I honestly don't think that we need to take away from this day. We need to look at life through the eyes of a child and experience the fun that each day brings!

its just another number...

I'm in my final days of 33. I have to say that this has been an incredible year of growth for me. I've really started to take my life back and have seen some positive changes. I am incredibly happy with my weight loss of the last few months and am excited to continue to see that scale go down down down. I did not quite reach the goal that I had by this date, but progress is progress and I just need to keep pressing on.
I have also been experiencing a re-kindled love for my Savior and have taken time to experience God more in my day to day living. While, I'm so far from having a perfect relationship with God, I am enjoying being receptive to God's love for me.
Also during my 33rd year, I have had a resurgence of a social life. I've had some amazing new people come into my life and old friendships have deepened. I feel so incredibly blessed with the people that have come into my life and I do feel that this year has been so much richer because of them.
So thanks 33 for being so nice. I'm really looking forward to your friend 34 and seeing that this next year of life holds!

Progress

They say it takes 30 days to create a habit. I can say that new habits have started in my life and these are great habits to have. I am thrilled that I am getting closer to God and understanding once again the joy that comes in that relationship. I also am still watching what I eat...I have re-introduced some "normal" foods back into my diet, but they are very balanced. I have been slacking on the veggies at dinner lately so I do need to get back on track with that. 6 days ago I started "The 30 day Shred"...I've done it for 4 of those days and it is really kicking me into shape! I love being challenged and this is right up my alley. The big excitement through all of this is that as of Monday, I have lost 16lbs in the last 5 weeks! I'm hoping by re-introducing working out into my routine that the scale will continue to go down a bit more quickly than it has the past couple weeks.
On a different note, I am SO ready for fall to get here! The changing of the leaves and the cooler weather energize me! I love the change of seasons!

Heart Transplant

This is what I've feel that I've gotten...
For so long I've struggled with "the funk". I've gone through life dreary, trying to do things on my own. Trying to hold onto a relationship with God that I really haven't been sure I've wanted, but I've wanted to want it. I've struggled with making decisions and then actually taking the action to follow through with them.
Last month I had an amazing week in Seattle with my BFF and through that week, I saw a life that I could have...a life that I want, but have been missing out on. After returning home and decompressing from my time away, I realized once again that I have squandered away too much time. Something finally clicked and I am putting my realizations into action and actually making the changes necessary to get my life back.
On the Spiritual side of life, I've committing to not starting my work day until I've spent time in prayer and the bible. It has really amazed me how coming back to this habit is truly lifting my heart and I'm not feeling as dark as I have been. People have always said that when God seems far away, its because you moved...that He is always there waiting to hang out with us. I've seen that truth in my life so much the past couple weeks. I'm so grateful for that and humbled.
Another change that I'm making in my life is to eat right and work out again. I have a massive amount of me that needs to disappear and I am believing that if I can stick with ridding myself of sugar and white bread/flour and eating more dark veggies, and protein that I will be where I need to be before I turn 35 next year. I'm starting with a pretty drastic change in how I eat and after I reach my first goal, I will start re-introducing more of the foods that I like...but healthier (like whole wheat flour/pasta). I'm also working out about every other day...its a great way to end the day and decompress. I will keep track of my progress on here..but so far I'm feeling so much better and feel like I have real energy.
Change is happening and I like it!

Trust

I've always thought of myself as a fairly trusting person. I want to believe the best in people and trust that they would do the right thing in different situations. I've been burned way too many times throughout life and my trust in people has dwindled. I have a hard time seeing pure motives in others and now I tend to see the worst in people before the best.
Today, I came across this verse in Isaiah..."a trusting life will not topple". These words hit me like a ton of bricks! Trust needs to be part of the foundation of my life. As I've been mulling over these words, I've come to realize that my trust does not need to lie in other people. They are human...they will fail me. I put way too much stock in others...wanting them to meet my needs and fulfill me. The past several years of life, I've come to put way more pressure of other people in my life and I've stopped trusting God to take care of me. My life has become completely unstable and out of control. Professionally, so many people have come and gone after getting what they wanted out of my company. I've felt used and abused. It has sucked the life out of me. This has been the reason I've wanted to throw in the towel and get out of this business. This morning I realized that although people have repeatedly hurt me, my foundation needs to be rooted in Christ. if I can place my trust in Him, He will become my stability. I can stop putting so much stock in the people around me and start being the person I need to be.
How easy is it for you to trust?

Facelift

I am so excited about the new design of my blog. Maybe this will encourage me to write more. I have fought doing the blogger update, but now that I have...I love that I can have a blog that reflects me a little bit more.

The Long Goodbye has come to an End

Three years ago, I learned that my Grandpa was placed in a nursing home...that his health had deteriorated so much that he could no longer be taken care of at home. This was shocking news to hear. The shock continued when I heard the word...Alzheimer's. My strong Grandpa had been fighting this disease for years I was told. I didn't understand how that was possible because he always seemed so together, but there it was. As he got more confused and his health got worse, he still was able to know who I was and would tell me stories of growing up. Through circumstances beyond his control, over the past couple years he had been shifted between nursing homes and I had lost touch with him. I kept trying to get to the town he was, but airfare has not been my friend and when I was able to get to the Northwest...it was winter and I am not a snow driver. Fast forward to last week....
I got the call that my Grandpa was in the final stages of life. That his time on earth was coming to an end. It was a shock to my system. A few days later, on Friday, he left this earth. Thankfully, I was able to find where he was and call him during the week to say goodbye. Although he was unconscious, I do believe he heard my words and he has always known how much I love him. Due to finances, I am unable to travel across the country to be with my family and attend the funeral. Guilt creeps up on me for not being able to be there right now. My heard breaks knowing that I am so far way. But, that is how it is. I have to be okay with where things are at. I have to move forward. I can grieve from where I am. I can and will hold the memories that I have of the last 33 years with my Grandpa close to my heart.
I am so lucky to have had this man in my life. To know that he was proud of the person that I have become. To know that he loved me and wanted the best for me. To know that he was rooting for me. To know that he was the man in my brother's life for so long and that my brother had such an amazing man to look up to. It is for these things and many many more that I am sitting here thankful.
I will choose to give thanks and focus on the positive. Looking back with no regrets...

The Game

The game...its exhausting. Trying to please people (as I am so apt to do)...is draining. Yeah, this is me...drained. I feel like I've been in a tug of war and I"m the rope. I have decided to stay put and make the best of my circumstances because I need to create a better story for myself. This decision is anything but easy. I feel like my dreams and desires are morphing...into what, I'm still not completely sure...but I sense a change coming on. I still feel a calling to students...but I think that I need to focus on pouring into the lives of their leaders (Youth Pastors/Volunteers). I think a lot of the "problems" with high school students right now stems from the fact that the adults in their lives are pretty apathetic. I believe that if these adults have resources and get ministered to that they will be able to more effectively reach students. I want to create opportunities for them to experience authentic relationships with people "in their same boat" and to know that they are not an island. I would love to see these leaders learning from each other. So that is a snapshot of the dream I see. Its huge...but I guess that is what makes it a dream...its bigger than what I can do on my own effort.
I just need the strength to make it through the here and now.