Time for Reflection

I borrowed this incredible book from a friend of mine called "The Traveler's Gift". It has to be one of the best books I have read in such a long time. The premise of the book is the main character is beyond the end of his rope and is taken through some pivotal points in history, and learns some great life lessons from key people in the past. These lessons have been hitting home with me. One theme that has hit me over the head like a ton of bricks is being a person of decision and following the dream in your heart even when it doesn't make sense to those around you. I've allowed doubt in my dreams to creep in my heart. I've allowed myself to listen to the people in my life that want me to do something stable and safe in my life. I've allowed stress and worry to cloud my judgement and its caused me to lose the dream in my heart and the motivation behind it.
I desire to become unstoppable once again. I desire to once again truly care about what I do and why I do it. I don't want my vision to continue to be clouded by the day to day worries in life.
I really plan on taking this week to regroup and focus on the things that matter most.

and the hits keep coming....

Ok...not really. :) Its the end of another week in life. Pretty mellow week except for being frustrated with people that just don't know what the word gratitude means. I could go on about that, but I know you guys know what it means to be grateful for the people in your life that help get you where you are. So...no need to spout off on that soapbox. What I do completely love is those people that are grateful! Those individuals that see your hard work for them and continue to let you know about that. Those people motivate me to no end! I also love it when people look at seemingly impossible situations and have a "can do" attitude! I really do look up to those people and want to work alongside them to help them reach their goals.
I had a burst of the Christmas spirit today. Put up some lights and decorations around the house. I still need to find my other decorations. It seems like every year its harder and harder to get in the spirit of things...but once I force myself to do it, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. :)

Saying Goodbye to my 20's...

In a few hours, I will be 30. YIKES! I always envisioned 30 being way different than what its actually becoming. I thought I would be an adult by now, but I'm so far from it. It really seems like just yesterday that I was the awkward 12 year old girl with my bangs teased so high that a bird could live in it. My biggest problems were whether or not I would get the right color ESPRIT bag or if the right boy would rip off the Guess tag on my jeans. I had such lofty dreams back then. I was capable of doing anything. My dreams have taken on different forms over the years. I have made many of those dreams a reality...some dreams I have to keep fighting for to stay a reality and some dreams I am trying to still dream about. I have felt in the last few years that I have lost the ability to hold onto my dreams. That somewhere along the way, I have started to believe that some dreams aren't meant to come true. I have let bitterness come into my life and its time to kick it back out. I desire to be a 30 year old that believes in herself and believes once again that anything is possible. I want to believe once again that the dreams I have are meant to be realities at some point. So here is to a fresh start of strength!

Stuff life throws at you...

I guess for some reason, I need to keep learning that life is fragile and you need to prepare for the unknown. I got a phone call today from my BFF that a guy we grew up with died this weekend. This guy was a little brother to us. We would tease him, taunt him and basically be kids. The story that we have of his death so far was pretty heartbreaking. We've known him about as long as we've known each other. We then started to think about what if that was one of us...very sad to even consider. My BFF is my rock. After 24 years, she has experienced life with me. I am SO lucky to have someone like her in my life. Its pretty sad that it takes a devestating event to really understand what people mean to you.

Learning to Let Go

As you go through life, its inevitable that dreams will come and go. Some dreams you realize and other dreams for one reason or another fall to the wayside. This past weekend, a dream died. In reality the dream was dying long ago, but there was always that place in the back of my mind that held onto hope. I found out that the last of my former guys is now engaged. This one hurts. This is the man I believed I was desinted to be with. Other people told me many times in many different circumstances that I was the person for him. He was and is definately burned into my heart. And even though I have moved away and I no longer have contact with him, just knowing that he was still single was a bit comforting. He was still available and maybe maybe maybe. (Although reality tells me...nope, not gonna happen) I haven't been truly intersted in another man since him and its been a LONG time. Since finding out this news, I've realized that there are many stages of letting go...little things that have to die. The big dream has to offically die. There is no longer any ounce of hope to hold onto. I now have to officially find and hold onto the hope that there is someone better out there that will be the perfect fit for me. I can still believe that, can't I?