Saying Goodbye to my 20's...

In a few hours, I will be 30. YIKES! I always envisioned 30 being way different than what its actually becoming. I thought I would be an adult by now, but I'm so far from it. It really seems like just yesterday that I was the awkward 12 year old girl with my bangs teased so high that a bird could live in it. My biggest problems were whether or not I would get the right color ESPRIT bag or if the right boy would rip off the Guess tag on my jeans. I had such lofty dreams back then. I was capable of doing anything. My dreams have taken on different forms over the years. I have made many of those dreams a reality...some dreams I have to keep fighting for to stay a reality and some dreams I am trying to still dream about. I have felt in the last few years that I have lost the ability to hold onto my dreams. That somewhere along the way, I have started to believe that some dreams aren't meant to come true. I have let bitterness come into my life and its time to kick it back out. I desire to be a 30 year old that believes in herself and believes once again that anything is possible. I want to believe once again that the dreams I have are meant to be realities at some point. So here is to a fresh start of strength!

Back from Texas

This week I was in Arlington for a youth pastor's convention. It was a good week overall. Lots of challenges to overcome..our booth was not coming together like we had planned; tables collapsing, banners not the right size...but in the end what mattered was that the people that came to our booth liked it. I connected with some great youth pastors and hopefully these will become great long term relationships for me and my bands.
The past couple weeks I've been thinking a lot about the spiritual state of our youth. With so many school shootings....you have to wonder what is happening these days. I grew up at a time when my peers were so on fire for God. We were bold, we had conversations with our friends about Christianity..but something happened in the past few years. Over time, the excitement and fire died. My peers and myself became disenchanted; boldness gave way to being "open-minded" and "unoffensive". Many youth pastors are my age or younger. This attitude seems to be passed down to the younger generation. Students don't seem as excited at spritiual things. I hear from my bands all the time that teenagers just don't seem to have that fire in their lives. All of these things make me ponder where our society is heading. Later in the week, I went to a Christian bookstore to pick up some CD's. Going down the isle, I noticed 2 things that really floored me...Strawberry Shortcake and these toys that looked EXACTLY like My Little Pony, but they weren't called My LIttle Pony...they were called Praise Ponies. GAK First of all...when did Strawberry Shortcake become a "Christian" toy. She's a toy! You rub her head and she smells of wonderful strawberries. So..needless to say the sudden site of this toy in a religious store is very strange. Now onto the Praise Ponies. Seriously guys...these ponies were EXACTLY like My Little Pony..they had the same hair, the same brushes, the same colors...everything. So, WHY do we have to call them Praise Ponies. I can just picture some poor little sheltered kid taking her pony to school and trying to play with the other little girls and insisting that they are Praise Ponies. I found myself becoming really upset with the Praise Pony. As Christians, we need to get out of our bubble that we've created. There is no need to label things as "Christian", but live life as a Christian. Love people like we should instead of alienating ourselves and trying to shelter ourselves from the real world. I think its time to be real. To live life to the fullest and serve those in our path.

Stuff life throws at you...

I guess for some reason, I need to keep learning that life is fragile and you need to prepare for the unknown. I got a phone call today from my BFF that a guy we grew up with died this weekend. This guy was a little brother to us. We would tease him, taunt him and basically be kids. The story that we have of his death so far was pretty heartbreaking. We've known him about as long as we've known each other. We then started to think about what if that was one of us...very sad to even consider. My BFF is my rock. After 24 years, she has experienced life with me. I am SO lucky to have someone like her in my life. Its pretty sad that it takes a devestating event to really understand what people mean to you.

Learning to Let Go

As you go through life, its inevitable that dreams will come and go. Some dreams you realize and other dreams for one reason or another fall to the wayside. This past weekend, a dream died. In reality the dream was dying long ago, but there was always that place in the back of my mind that held onto hope. I found out that the last of my former guys is now engaged. This one hurts. This is the man I believed I was desinted to be with. Other people told me many times in many different circumstances that I was the person for him. He was and is definately burned into my heart. And even though I have moved away and I no longer have contact with him, just knowing that he was still single was a bit comforting. He was still available and maybe maybe maybe. (Although reality tells me...nope, not gonna happen) I haven't been truly intersted in another man since him and its been a LONG time. Since finding out this news, I've realized that there are many stages of letting go...little things that have to die. The big dream has to offically die. There is no longer any ounce of hope to hold onto. I now have to officially find and hold onto the hope that there is someone better out there that will be the perfect fit for me. I can still believe that, can't I?

Writing Wednesday

I'm joining the new sensation. Sitting Still and Mrs. Flinger have decided that to spice up the week, a writing assignment would be a fun way to pass the time and give people like me that have times of blog block to have a creative thing to write about. This week, its a lunch box story. So...here is goes...
I had many lunch boxes in my time. Each fall, my elementary school years would start with a new lunch box. I tried to be one of the hip kids with my cabbage patch kid lunchbox or my garfield lunch box, but the lunchbox that I remember the most was my metal Muppet Babies lunchbox. I have to admit, I wasn't a fan of metal or the Muppet Babies, but this lunchbox came in handy one day. Most days this lunchbox served its purpose of being the home to my peanut butter sandwich, chips and granola bar, but one day it took on a new form. My lunchbox became my protector. I had a girl in my class that did NOT like me. My BF and I had a really bad habit of making fun of people that weren't us and I had crossed the line. This girl was determined to beat me up after school. She was serious. I was scared out of my mind. The school day ended. The girl was waiting for me out in the playground. My BF and I RAN to our bikes, jumped on and started pedaling. The evil girl ran after me and I held up my metal lunchbox and told her to stand back or I would hit her over the head. Then with my new sense of strength and confidence...I pedaled out of playground as fast as my legs would go. The girl never bothered me again. Goes to show you that you don't mess with a short girl and her Muppet Babies.