Insanity

This business of moving is crazy. I'm working all day and then lugging stuff to the new place at night. Its been a SLOW process. I'm ready to be done and settled in to my new house. It is sounding like the girl that I originally met with to be my roommate is still interested. I can't wait to have more disposable income...any amount of disposable income. This past year has been rough on me not being able to have any steady spending money. I'm one of those people that will buy something just because have any extra money after months of having to watch every single penny. So, it is going to be good for me to have a more consistant cushion. So PLEASE God let me get a roommate. (I NEVER thought I would say that)
One of the band that I work with decided to break up. Its so strange the dynamic that changes when you quit a job. It just dawned on me...like when you give your 2 weeks notice at work, many of us stop caring. We get lax. This is what is happening. Committments are not being followed through. Messes are being generated and its up to ME to clean them up. This makes me a firm believer in sticking with your committments. See them out to the very end...even when you can see the end in sight!
And my final thought of this post. My body is kicking my butt. I had been diagnosed with PCOS about a year or so ago and it is currently in full swing. Things have been fine for quite a while...even without medication...but for the last 2 months, not so much. My emotions are all over the place. I have things happening that I really don't want to discuss, but I feel extremely gross. I don't have insurance because I haven't been able to afford self-employed insurance (I NEED a roommate), so my mind has been racing with all the things that could be wrong with me. And knowing that PCOS can lead to...I'm scared sh*&less right now. I'm so sad that my body doesn't know how to work right...that every day I am dealing with the fact that things are not right or things would have stopped by NOW. I'm tired of feeling tired all. the. time. I'm so sad that even if someone can get past the fact that I'm this icky mess, that I'm probably never going to feel a person growing inside of me. So those are my insane ramblings for today. I'm sure more are to come...

The fun has begun...

This weekend I started the joy of packing,moving, unpacking. Thank goodness..its JUST across the parking lot. I still have not found a roommate, but I'm hoping now that I have a place people can look at...it should be easier to find someone. This weekend I'm working hard on downsizing and getting rid of the things I don't need and haven't used in forever. Because I'm getting a roommate, my office is moving into my bedroom...so I'm having to combine the 2 rooms into one. It should be an adventure! Well, I hope everyone has a great weekend! More updates to come...

see...my fingers are crossed

As some of you know...I got the oh so exciting news that I HAVE to move at the end of the month. This is definately not something I was anticipating and I am not looking forward to moving. I've been looking and looking for a new place and nothing has been coming through. STRESS city! The things in my semi-price range were interesting to say the least. One place had NO appliances in the kitchen. It was difficult to even tell it was a kitchen. Hilarious. I also was trying to look for a roommate thinking of cutting my expenses but no one was coming to the surface. So, at the end of the weekend...I was pretty much at the end of my rope and thinking I would be sleeping on someone's couch. Well, I got a phone call from a place that I had called on 3 times. Its RIGHT across the street from me! Only one other family has lived in it. its exactly what I'm paying now (which is doable...but pretty darn tight). This condo does have 2 full baths though...so...it could be a good roommate situation and I would just sacrifice not having an "office" for awhile. Well, I met a girl today that seemed to be fun and the type of person that would be a good roommate and she is getting married in the Spring...so it wouldn't be a long term deal! YEA!!! This would give me enough time to save money and build a cushion for myself so I could handle the place on my own after a few months. You guys...I want this to work out sooo bad. I need the stress of this to be over, so I can move on. I should know by the end of the week what is happening...so please cross fingers, toes, arms, etc. and be praying that everything will work out!

Who I Am

So here are a few insights into what makes me tick or not tick so well :) ....
I HATE confrontation. HATE!!! If I'm upset about something...it will fester. I will sit and stew it over in my head over and over and over. I will allow it to build up walls so high and thick that it will leave some bad scars on my relationships. I know this. I've been trying to get better about letting people know when I'm not happy about something. In my almost 30 years of being on this earth I've slowly gone into just holding things in indefinately to talking about it within months, then weeks and now I'm working really hard in only letting somthing fester for a few days while I try to come up with a succinct way to discuss what i'm feeling. So...I've been spending my week trying to figure out how to confront because festering leads to me....
Paranoia....yep, I'm paranoid. Whenever I am in a conflict, I *KNOW* that other person is just as obbsessed about the situation as I am. I KNOW they are talking about me and the situation to others. I KNOW that anything negative that happens in the festering time is my fault or that things are getting worse than they really are.
So the lesson today for all of us...keep the lines of communication open. TALK to people. Be vulnerable.