Holidays with the Relatives

So, it has been YEARS since I"ve been with my family on any holiday. I think its been at least 5 years...maybe longer. It was a refreshing to be back around the old traditions and to "morph" back into my role in the family. When it came to preparing for dinner, I jumped in and did as much as I could. When it came to dinner time and sitting around the table, I listened to the stories being told around me. It was fun to watch a new generation of kid's table residents coming up through the trenches. Being around family is always filled with so many emotions...happiness, fun, sadness about those who are missing, and the pressure of being so far away. One thing that I walked away from during the week was that I am where I am suppose to be for now. That I probably need to see my family more often, but that is not my home. I needed that reassurance and have been begging God for direction and feel that I got it.

Traveling time

I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. In just 11 days, I will get to spend 10 days in the PNW with my fam. I'm so looking forward to the change of scenery (even the dark, rainy scenery). I'll get to see lots of my family members and meet my newest niece for the first time. I've really been struggling in the day to day of life lately so having a change is really filling me with excitement. I ALSO just started making plans to return to Disney World at the end of January. I got a great deal that makes doing this trip really hard to pass up. 7 nights and 8 days away from the real world will be so refreshing! I'm so glad I have these things to look forward to!

New opportunity!

I just signed up for a fun, new program that will cultivate the creative side of me that has been buried for so long. One of the major book publishers is recruiting for volunteers to review their new books. I'm so excited to be able to get my hands on some free books, take time to READ and to spend some time writing! So, from time to time, you will be seeing some reviews on this site. Let the fun begin!

update

Yes...you can just call me negligent. Life has been happening so fast and so slow all at once. Finally conference stuff is done and I am beginning to feel normal again. I'm trying to get back into the swing of booking which always prove to be tougher than I want it to be. I just need to refocus my mindset.
Also, adding to the frenzy of life, I am having to figure out a new living situation. Lately the plan keeps changing once a week and here I am again wondering what to do. I just want some stability,
I did get past a cancer scare last week. You never want the doctor to tell you that they think you have a mass. I got it checked out and the wait was so long for the results. All clear, so that is a huge relief and I don't want to go through that again.
Sorry that this post is so all over the place. My brain is officially mush. I hope to have more clarity next time.

Connecting

Throughout my life there have been many different people that have come and gone, but that have left a mark on my life and helped create this mosaic that my life is today. The various experiences that sum up me today. I had a chance to re-connect with 2 of the more significant of those people this week. Out of the blue, I found out that my old youth pastor and his wife were in town and had been trying to find me. We ended up having dinner last night and for a few brief hours memory lane and the present collided. I have been extremely down the past several months and went into this dinner with somewhat high expectations but trying to remind myself that people change and the strong connection we all once had might not be there. I was wrong. Without me having to say a whole lot, they were speaking into my life and encouraging/challenging me. In this world, where I feel so alone and isolated, it is reassuring that there are still people that can break through and reach this sometimes unreachable person.

Taking a Short Break...

I needed to take a few minutes to be somewhat creative. So as you can see...my blog has a new look. Not necessarily the look I was going for...but I need to really take more time to figure out new templates and how to get them to look good. Anyway, welcome to the new Spring look! So guess what I noticed today...green things on trees!!! YAY...the first hints of real spring. New life appearing! So refreshing. I am still searching for my new life or a renewal of the life I have. Next week is Gospel Music Week in Nashville and I actually have several of the artists that I work with that will be here this year. I am hoping that being around them for a few days will breathe a new passion in me. Well back to work for me. Remember when weekends actually meant something? :)

My new home in the country!

I have been in my new home for officially a month today! It has been quite the change and not something that I ever pictured for myself...well, not in many MANY years. I have become quite the city/town girl over the years. This place was too good to pass up though so here I am. Acres of land surround me and there are 3 horses on the property. The massiveness of the horses scares me at times, but then I get reminded of how gentle they actually are. It is peaceful out here. Outside my office, I can see a pond and even just that little bit of water sends a calming around me. I am looking forward to warmer weather so I can spend more time outside enjoying all the space I've been given. Even though it wasn't some place that I imagined being, it is the place I believe I need to be. I am also living with another person again. I am breaking the cardinal rule of roommates and living with an old friend. It has been a good thing so far. Of course there are the times of selfishness and getting used to another person, but it also has been nice to have someone to talk to.

Here's a pic of the land that surrounds me....

Rain

Yes, it is raining outside today. As I listen to the water drop on my rooftop, and window and see all the dreariness of this day, I am reminded of the dreary condition that has enveloped my heart. I am not sure where the sadness began, but it has become a part of who I presently am. I am in need of a change, but I don't know what that is. Or maybe I do know and I am just too scared to take those steps. The dreary, damp places are confusing.
The other truth I know about rain...especially rain in Spring is that without it, there would be no growth. That we have to go through these times of ickyness in order to see beauty. By surrendering to the rain and allowing it to do its job, the trees and ground are transformed. They have new life. I need to hold onto that truth for myself. I want to experience the growth that awaits me. I just need to allow the rain to do its thing.

new thoughts

So, I guess I've been neglecting the ol' blog again. *sigh* I've been in a funk to say the least. I've been trying to find a house, making the decision to have a roommate or not, getting discouraged about finances...blah blah blah. So...I found a house and am going to be living with a roommate. The house is going to be a big help in the finance department and I think its going to be a great house. It was not a place I ever pictured myself in, but I know this is where I am suppose to be. Did I mention its an actual HOUSE??? Yeah...I'm looking forward to being out of townhome living. I move in 2 weeks and have so much packing to do between now and then. I can't wait for this new beginning. I feel like the world is before me once again and I have a chance to start over. The house is out in the country and in a different town than I've been living in, so I'm looking forward to the change of scenery and change of pace.
In the spirit of catching up...I did have an amazing time on my vacation. I can't wait to go back. I did come home and would up with the flu over Christmas. NOT fun!